Home
by SpectraLynn
Summary: Deep baritone booming inside my head. So low, so threatening. With every beat, seconds coincide, inching closer to midnight, start of a new day, a new heartache. I can't bear to see those crystals fall from those eyes... This isn't home. RikuSora


**A/N **- Just like in my other KH fic _Kristallnacht_, this follows in my deep descriptive writing style, not really story-telling. Usually it's confusing, leaving you to figure out what exactly is going on. I like it like that. It could be plenty of different things; you interpret how you will. ^_-

**Disclaimer** - I do not own Riku or Sora, nor do I own 'Carol of the Bells'.

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**H o m e**

_Ding, dong, ding, dong_

Deep baritone booming inside my head. So low, so threatening. With every beat, seconds coincide, inching closer to midnight, start of a new day, a new start, a new heartache. I can't bear to see those crystals fall from those eyes... This isn't home...

_Hark! how the bells_

_Sweet silver bells_

_All seem to say,_

_"Throw cares away."_

Hah! the new Machiavelli. Those sweet bells bleed lies into young virgin ears who haven't tasted regret, sorrow, the suffocation of ones own memories, ones own sinful thoughts; their last sanctuary; a betrayal. They sound beautiful, so very delicate. What an act! They are a catalyst to tarnish easily... just like silver. It's beauty's on the outside, just like its pretty, filthy veneer. Please, don't look into my eyes... you see right through me. I don't know how long I can conceal myself. From you.

_Christmas is here_

_Bringing good cheer_

_To young and old_

_Meek and the bold_

And what about us in the middle? Nothing. I'm not young. Youth is innocence, untarnished, carefree, a heart born and surrounded in light, not ever swallowed in the black . I'm not old. Old is being cascaded in wisdom, a pool of thoughts, answers, revelations, and happiness; being able to fade away with a smile on your face, a warmth you have brought. You. I'm not meek. No, that's an understatement of what I am. I turned away from you, brought the darkness in only to hurt you, crush you, my own selfish needs. But I should have known I would not be unable to cover up my feelings. I was terrified of those true feelings. For you. I'm not bold. How could I ever rescue you when I'm the one who caused you all that harm? I was your danger. Only me. Only to you.

_Ding, dong, ding, dong_

Slipping... slipping... my heart beats in rhythm to that tenor. My skin ice cold, getting colder. Shiver off this burning current of flesh that surrounds me, suffocating. It's only a matter of time. You stand there beside me, I can't bear the sight even as you try to force me to. I'm causing you even more pain, more heartache; a white knight of treason is what I've become. I won't soothe your pain, I won't ease your strain. But why does it feel so right? Yes, it's you.

_That is their song_

_With joyful ring_

_All caroling_

I clench my fist, so tight I'm sure the cream sheet under me has shed from my nails. This pain is unbearable. I don't care anymore, I need you. I want you. I want to feel you under me. I want to know every curvature and bend of your body. I want to inhale your sweet, silver, innocent scent; let me tarnish it, let me be your catalyst. I want to taste your fears, create new ones; for isn't that what I'm already doing? I sense your eyes wide with fear, wide with curiosity. You have no cognition of what I'm doing; my true intentions. Do you want to? Do you want to see behind these eyes?

_One seems to hear_

_Words of good cheer_

_From ev'rywhere_

_Filling the air_

I scream. My throat is burning, tearing. So vehement it's silent, piercing any sanity I have left; rip it to shreds. My body becoming numb, delightfully aching. I don't know who can hear, nor do I care. Because it's you. You do this to me - unnervingly oblivious. So ignorance is bliss; and I'm prone for misery. At least in the darkness I had control. My feelings, my emotions... I could make them synonymous. Until you enter my thoughts. Only you.

_Oh how they pound_

_Raising the sound_

_O'er hill and dale_

_Telling their tale_

Tell me your secret! My eyes reveal what my throat withholds. What power do you wield that puts me under your submission? It's unorthodox. Your beautiful being unlocks my private sanctuary, my consciousness. You dissolve my barrier, see right through my facade, put a crack in my demeanor. I have to now laugh. Of course. A crack... that's how the light gets in... You get in.

_Gaily they ring_

_While people sing_

_Songs of good cheer_

_Christmas is here_

Such a whimsical creature you are; you're a complete mystery to me. How am I a glass panel to you while you are a brick wall to me? Please, tell me your secrets, tell me your desires, tell me... tell me... You smile. It sends a chill down my spine, a frozen course throughout my veins. I blink. You tilt your head, that crooked grin analyzing my movements. Reading me. Taunting me. With you.

_On, on they send_

_On without end_

_Their joyful tone_

_To ev'ry home_

You win. I succumb again. I cannot bear not to reach out, just a little... Placing my hand over your chest, over your heart. The sweet, delicate thud of your life... your light. I want it, I need it, I need you. Aqua meets lapis lazuli. You smile. Not that devious, bent smile. The one that graces you the most, brings me to you, makes my sick heart ache, saved me. For the first time I realize my corrupt silver conscience's game. Twisting those flooding memories, driving me from you. Telling me you hated what I had become, what I had brought in, my betraying actions. You never cared. You fought for me as I fought for you. You love me. Always have. You.

_Ding, dong, ding, dong_

Deep baritone booming inside my head. So low, so threatening. With every beat, seconds coincide, inching closer to midnight, start of a new day, a new start, a new journey... with you. By my side. This time, I smile. A promise. We'll go together... _This is home_.


End file.
